Winter Driving Courtesy

Last night I made a trip to the airport to pick up my sister-in-law. The part I dreaded about the trip was the winter weather that we have had the past few days. I don't like driving in the snow, especially when there are other people driving in snow. Luckily, last night there was only one stretch of the highway that had visible snow on the road. I took note of some things as I was driving that really bug me about driving in the winter, particularly when other drivers do, or don't do, them. It annoys me when:

1. Drivers don't knock off those huge ice chunks behind their wheels (see picture below). - First of all, those things look disgusting. Secondly, when you are driving down the freeway at 55 miles per hour on an icy road and you hit a pot hole those big chunks fall off. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREEWAY. This leaves anywhere from one to four basketball-sized hunks of black/brown ice right in front of the Altima behind you. You may say, but if it's an SUV behind me, it's no big deal. However you would be wrong because eventually there will be an Altima behind you. And that Altima will have to either swerve out of the way (not a great idea on a crowded icy freeway) or hold its breath and hope the ice doesn't knock its exhaust pipe off. So next time you go to drive your car, kick those sick chunks of crap off of your wheel wells. Or park next to me, because I kick them off of cars I walk past too.


2. Drivers only scrape a basketball-sized hole in the ice on their windshield, like this guy. - I really don't get this one. There is absolutely no way the driver of a car like that can see anything but a round patch of pavement directly in front of their hood. I mean, they don't even scrape any off of the driver's window to look beside them. My guess is that they think their defroster will get rid of all of the ice during their 10 minute drive to wherever. But when the ice is thick and covered in snow, it doesn't. I walk to school for the most part during the winter. I see these cars drive by all the time and I stay as far away from them as possible.

3. Drivers don't scrape the snow and ice off of their whole car. This one specifically refers to when they are driving on the freeway. In the morning to drive 5 minutes on surface streets to school, I don't care about this one. But if you're going to drive on the freeway, I think you should clear the snow and packed ice off of your whole vehicle. Why? Because going 65 miles per hour, it all blows off anyway, on the car right behind you. Ice on your hood and roof also fall off, right in front of the Altima behind you. Mostly though, it's just a nuisance, making whoever is driving behind them use their wipers even though it's not snowing outside.

On a side note, I want to give thanks to the many plow drivers on the streets. Whoever you are, you do an excellent job, at least in Utah, of keeping the roads clear of snow. That job must really stink. You have to drive all night and all day back and forth over the same roads cleaning off asphalt that you already plowed 4 times. Kind of like cleaning up after children. You guys have my respect. Plow on, my friends.

Bird Watching

The house here in Idaho provides us with the chance to see some pretty birds.  For example, today we were looking out the window when we saw about 3 or 4 western tanagers.  Of course we didn’t know that’s what they were until we watched them for a while and then looked up what they were on the internet.  (The internet is so smart!)  If you’re wondering what a western tanager is, see below. This is not to be confused with the western teenager, which is shown here. (Although this specimen looks like she may be no more than a western tweenager)

This place also has an abundance of red-winged blackbirds, which look really neat when they zoom past your car.

Hopefully we’ll see some more neat birds before the summer is over.

Potty Emergency

 

(Everyone remembers this classic episode, right?)

This is a true story, though parts of it may or may not have been embellished to make it better. 

I finally got to go in to work today for the first time.  I haven’t been allowed to go in because Korea hasn’t completed and returned my criminal background check yet for this employment with the Department of Energy at Idaho National Laboratories.  They filed a waiver for me which came through last week allowing me to start today.  So being my first day, they sat all of the new hires down in a conference room and pelted us with PowerPoint slides about anything and everything relating to our new employer.

In the back of the room, there were snacks including muffins, coffee, water, and some fruits.  After an hour or so, I got up and poured myself a glass of water.  It was really good chilled water.  The cup wasn’t large, it probably held only about 8 oz. or so.  After about 30 minutes we had a scheduled break and I was dying to use the bathroom.  So I ran in there and relieved myself. 

Since the water was so good, on my way back to my seat, I refilled my cup with some more water and drank it.  Pretty soon it was lunch time and I was on my way out to the car to get my lunch that was stowed in the trunk.  On the way, I realized that I had to go use the restroom again.  It was probably about an hour after my second cup of water, but since I was on lunch and I didn’t really have a way back into the facility until shortly before 1, I decided to hold it. 

I went to a nearby LDS church and ate lunch in the parking lot and on the bleachers by the baseball field adjacent to the parking lot.  The urge had left me and I turned on a sports talk show that I enjoy listening to.  At the end of the show, I took a swig from a water bottle that was in the car and remembered my need to use the bathroom.  Luckily it was almost 1, so somebody would be at the doors to let me in since I didn’t have my ID card yet. 

I drove maybe a little faster than normal to the building and hurried myself through the parking lot and into the building.  Immediately, I made a beeline for the urinal.  (I bet you thought that I wasn’t going to make it in time, or I was going to have an accident, didn’t you?) After using the bathroom, the lady in charge told me and another kid there that all of the training computers were being used and we would be taken down the hall to do some other paperwork, and then we would switch places with the others.

Well, we went down the hall and proceeded to fill out paperwork.  After completing about 5 different forms, we were taken into an onsite medical facility where they took our height, weight, and had us read the lines on the posters to check our eyes.  Then they called me back and produced a urine cup explaining that I needed to give them a sample to be drug tested.  I was a bit embarrassed, and told the lady, I don’t think I can go because I had just gone maybe 6 minutes ago.  She said she just needed a little so give it a try. 

I took the cup into the bathroom.  I was worried because I really had no desire or urge at all to use the bathroom.  (This is the real emergency) I stood there in the bathroom trying to will myself to go, but I couldn’t.  I was thinking of waterfalls, sprinklers, pouring water, anything to trigger the urge.  But I was pretty empty.  I thought I may have to sit in the office for a while before producing the required amount.  Luckily, just as I thought I would give up, success!

I took the cup back to the lady praying that it was enough.  It was below the line she told me I had to fill it to, but as she poured it into the vial, we saw it fill it up perfectly.  I mentioned to the lady that if I had known about needing the urine, I would’ve been able to wait to use the bathroom so that I was sure to have enough.  She told me that if I knew, then it wouldn’t have been a random test.    So, Cheers to my amazing body that was able to produce the exact amount of waste needed on the spot and in a pressure situation.  Definitely not your typical potty emergency.

Socks

I've always loved wearing socks. When I was little, I would rather wear socks around the house than go barefoot. I also would rather wear socks outside than shoes. This probably bothered my mom because I wore them out so quickly. I like to think of myself as a connoisseur of fine socks. My whole mission, people gave me socks for presents. I think that's the standard gift in Korea, because I got a whole lot of them.

I like to always have nice thick socks that don't have holes in them. Once a sock even hints that it could become a transparent mesh of fine string (you know what I'm talking about, right?) I get rid of it or stuff it in the far reaches of the drawer so that there is no possibility of accidentally donning it in a rush. I like to think that if I keep my socks nice, my shoes won't be as stinky.

So, with this background in mind, as Bill Nye the Science Guy would put it, "Consider the Following":

When a new pair of socks is born, it is a clean slate, fresh, unpolluted, and each sock is fairly symmetric about its center line (the line that runs from heel to the gap between your 2nd and 3rd toe, counting from your big toe). However, after one or two times of wearing the sock, it begins to develop a personality of its own. Some socks get dirtier due to rain, mud, sand, etc. The main way in which they distinguish themselves though is by which side of the sock "relaxes" to accommodate the big toe. A difference between a right foot sock and a left foot sock can be evident after just one wearing. This, of course, is almost entirely dependent on which foot you wear the sock on for the first time. So, in order for me to thoroughly enjoy my socks every day, it is imperative that my right socks be grouped with a left sock when they are folded. I can't stand to wear a left foot sock on my right foot because there is tons of space by my littlest piggie while it should be snuggled in tight to the foot by the sock. It is easy to group rights and lefts on church socks and socks with designs on them, but my wife, Shanna, refuses to go through my plain socks and match them up for me when she does the laundry. She simply dumps them all into my drawer as individual socks, which forces me to fish through the drawer each morning until I can catch me a lefty and a righty.

Somebody out there has to have some sympathy for me, right? Or is this something that labels me "strange"?

I Must Have OCD

So I normally do these little things like count the number of steps in each staircase I ever walk on and keep my school books stacked smallest to tallest on my desk. You know, I'm very certain about the way some things should be done. I just found another thing that I've begun doing.

I look at license plates and try to find patterns in them. Over the past few days, I've been noticing myself looking at every license plate I pass while I walk Shanna to and from the bus stop every morning. Today I found something interesting, at least to me. Out of 74 license plates that I was able to look at and read, 67 of them featured either the letter X, K(which looks awfully similar to X), or J. So that's about 90.5% of the cars on my street with a Virginia license plate. The pattern only occurs on Virginia license plates. If I included all of the Massachusetts, Maryland, and New York plates, the percentage would go way down. So, if you move to Alexandria, VA and get license plates, 9 out of 10 times, the plates will have an X, K, or J on it. I think this post solidifies my status as nerd.

You've got to be KIDDING me!!!

Imagine you're in Target, wandering around the front of the store waiting for your wife (or husband, or friend). You see something that catches your eye. The sports trading card aisle. So you wander on over to take a looksie. You didn't even know that kids still bought sports cards. Aside from card games like Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh (don't ask me how I know the names of those games) which were made into cartoons just to sell more, you weren't aware of any child who bought sports cards, let alone one who plays sports....

You begin to scan the aisle. You recognize the big names in cards who are still hanging around. Upper Deck,... Topps...They are all there. Then you see something you've never seen before. No wait,...They are Topps trading cards....But there is something weird about them...No,...It can't be....







You've got to be kidding me....

Trip to Target

Yesterday, I went on a trip to Target with Shanna to buy some stuff, I don't remember what. But while I was there, I made some observations that I have thought about quite a bit since then.

Observation 1.
Target carries golf equipment. All sorts of stuff. Putters, drivers, towels, bags, etc. Target carries frisbee equipment. Mainly just frisbees. However, Target does not carry frisbee golf equipment. This is in my opinion a major oversight on their behalf. It's kind of like carrying black cookies, and carrying white frosting, but not carrying oreos. Kind of like that.... So holiday shoppers, if you're looking to give the gift of a 175 gram driver disk to that special someone this Christmas, you won't find it at Target.

Observation 2.
Whoever has the job of building miniature tents to put on display at stores has it going on! Can you imagine your boss coming in to you and saying, "Hey Jack, we're going to need this tent, but about 20 times smaller." He spends all day sewing mini tents. He probably burns the midnight oil sewing extras that he can sell on the side to the Borrowers and other holiday shoppers looking for the Barbie Let's Camp collection that just sold out. Now I've realized that these miniature models have run over to sleeping bags as well. Seriously, I'll bet they could sell them for Barbie...

Observation 3.
For some reason, people take their kids Christmas shopping with them. Not only does it spoil the surprise of Christmas Day, but it clogs the aisles with those extra long look like a race car style shopping carts. A single one of those can block the entire aisle. Then you have kids hanging out the sides, grabbing toys, and causing trouble. You can always tell that the parents are fed up with it all.

Observation 4.
I really want a large hi-def flat screen tv with a blu-ray dvd player. Movies are really cool looking on those. It's like real people inside of your tv.

A Few Pearls of Wisdom

Well, I'm only 23 years old (almost 24) but I feel like I still have a few nougat filled morsels of wisdom that I can pass on to a lot of people. Enjoy...

1. Rules are usually rules for a good reason and yes, they do apply to you. - A lot of times, people think that rules somehow don't apply to them. I see this all the time at work. People carelessly take a Jamba Juice into the theaters even though it's posted in 3 inch letters not to. This almost always results in a large carpet cleaning job. They blatantly cross caution tape and wet wax signs in order to tromp through the hallway, leaving their size 9's imprinted in the otherwise glassy floor wax. But I guess the most blatant abuse of a rule was witnessed by me this morning on my way to work. Imagine my surprise when I looked up at Y Mountain in the early twilight to find it on fire! What happened was no mystery to me. Obviously, some geek decided to light fireworks on the Y in honor of Pioneer Day and shot a roman candle into a dry tinder-ized bush. The fire spread from the bottom right corner of the Y to cover about 1/8th of the mountain face. Here's a tip... Next time, when the firework stand says don't shoot off fireworks on the mountain... DON'T DO IT!!

2. Global Warming is real. - If you don't believe me on this one, go ride your bike behind a bus for 15 seconds.

3. If you see a movie on the opening night, DON'T talk about it except the following subjects: who acts in it, if you liked it or not, if it was scary, the amazing graphics, and if you would see it again at full price. Nobody wants to know how so-and-so kills who's-it. They don't want to know what amazing trick the protagonist does on a unicycle to save the damsel from the mutant cheese blob. Just keep it to yourself. There are great things called journals and tape recorders that would be glad to listen to you. But seriously..... I had the whole beginning of Batman: The Dark Knight ruined for me at work this past week by one kid who's seen it twice already. Show a little respect.

4. If you don't know how to do something, ask. - There's a kid who really has this one down at work. Yesterday, he was asked to sweep the floor. He said ok, but then asked, "After I sweep it, what do I do with the stuff I sweep up?" I guess he's never used a dustpan before... Now, he may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but he figures out what he needs to do and then he does it.

Most who read this blog have probably already mastered these traits. But I know that you know people who haven't, so spread the word.

Guessing Contest Prizes

I recently submitted a prediction of where I thought that my cousin, Bryan Gillespie, was going to get called to on his mission. I guessed Italy, and I was right. It wasn't the correct mission, but since nobody else guessed the correct mission either, I won by default with somebody else. Congratulations to Bryan, by the way.

Today as I returned from a long day in the salt mines, I checked the mail and there sat a large shoebox addressed to me. Promptly, I opened it and discovered that contained therein were a few prizes from the guessing game. Following, you will find a list detailing each item that I received:

1. A small Italian flag. Good old green, white, and red...Wasn't there a sub sandwich commercial about how those three colors make you hungry?....I don't remember what food chain it was though...

2. A box of Spaghetti. How did Aunt Yvonne know that Shanna and I were out of food? I'm still trying to figure that one out... And it was the good stuff too. It actually came in a box!! Wow!

3. A fork. Now, you may think, "A fork, huh? cool." But this is no ordinary fork. It's a spaghetti fork, which spins the spaghetti all up for me using an electric motor which is powered by two AAA batteries. So you all can see just how cool it actually is, here are a few videos of the fork in action...

Thank you Uncle Paul and Aunt Yvonne for the lovely prizes. And thank you Bryan, for getting called to Italy. That's awesome. I hope that you have a fun two years or so eating spaghetti with motorized forks. When you get home, you will be able to teach me a thing or two about how to correctly flip the switch in mid bite. (I had some trouble with the food falling off of the fork)